fog & obscure

by tea

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1.
02:49
2.
01:16
3.
02:06
4.
03:26
5.

about

this is an album about the fears and tremors that come with love, and the crisis of not knowing your own identity as yours.

enjoy.

credits

released April 20, 2017

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: apathy
i wanna cut all my body parts off
i just wanna be a lump of coal
maybe then i'd have a chance to be of use
and still get to destroy this ugly world

it looks like my reflection does

for now, i'm fading in and out of consciousness
looking for your outline on the wall
i can feel the distance grow with every passing day
and this cliff's height increasing, ever tall

it'd be so easy now to let me fall
but you don't like that imagery at all

and i just hope you're happy
i just hope you're smiling
and laughing at somebody's
stupid joke

'cause i'm stuck in my head again
searching for some estrogen
to change into the person
that i know

beside myself again, with all i wrote
inside my mind i'll never be this ghost
Track Name: i miss you
i miss you
like a waveform
would miss the instrument
that brought it into life

i miss you
like a tide turns
washing up upon myself
'most every night

i miss you
like a lost limb
i feel your prescence in the void
from time to time

i miss you
like an old friend
every memory with you
i hold inside
Track Name: fine
wandering alone again
and searching for some homeliness
to make me feel alright
it's like this every night

but still i dream of you and me
all our harmony

and i might not be anything
special to the rest of you
but honestly as long as
my dear darling can attest to truth

i know i'll be just fine
i know i'll keep my mind

so please don't try to find me
in the rain outside your window
like some kind of foggy effigy
to everything you've been through

i'll be lying in your bed
if ever you feel like danger's near
i promised you a year ago
that i could always save you, dear, so

ooo
Track Name: worse
slipping deeper into myself
slowly dwindling like my health
i know that one day i will break

i left home for a few days' time
tried to hard to fix my mind
but all i could do was lay awake

and maybe it's the weather
or maybe it's my selfish tendencies

but something about me right now
just doesn't feel like who i used to be

so i'm sorry to my family
i'm sorry to my friends
i'm sorry to the people
with whom i can't make amends

i'm sorry for my past mistakes
i'm sorry for this curse
i'm sorry that i'm never getting better
and always getting worse

i feel so god damn trapped
stuck here on a sinking raft
dreaming of the day it deinflates

death feels like an open door
and less like a metaphor
that i use poetry to reinstate

and maybe it's the medicine
or maybe it's the stupid fucking songs

but something always makes me feel
like i've been doing everything wrong

and if this reads like a suicide note
then i guess it's some good practice after all

'cause i said some six years ago
that i would rather die than grow and fall

so i'm sorry to my family
i'm sorry to my friends
i'm sorry to the people
with whom i can't make amends

i'm sorry for my past mistakes
i'm sorry for this curse
i'm sorry that i'm never getting better
and always getting worse
Track Name: i'm sorry for everything
i was a drowning man
sinking in an ocean
invented in my head

you were a tidal wave
that carried me to shore
at the point that i should've been dead

and nothing prepared me for
when i said goodbye
and you left from the airport

i'm sorry for everything
you were the only one
i promised to be there for

and now that i'm gone
it's no secret that i'm in pain
stuck like a pantomime, fingers still intertwined
deep in my brain

i was a sinking ship
caught in the pull of a vortex
shaped like your mouth

and you were a canopy
a million feet below
where my tightrope was giving out

feeling like broken bones
my head and my room
both a mess from my lack of upkeep

i'm sorry for everything
'cause you were the only one
who really meant everything to me

so tell me why i oughta go forget you
there's no reason on earth that i'd listen to
i'm here for one thing alone in this life that i live
and it's this happiness that i'm giving you

and now that i'm gone
it's no secret that i'm in pain
stuck like a pantomime, fingers still intertwined
deep in my brain

and now that you're gone
it's no secret that i'm afraid
stuck like a broken clock, hoping to focus on
something besides what i miss in your name