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fog & obscure

by tea

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1.
apathy 02:49
i wanna cut all my body parts off i just wanna be a lump of coal maybe then i'd have a chance to be of use and still get to destroy this ugly world it looks like my reflection does for now, i'm fading in and out of consciousness looking for your outline on the wall i can feel the distance grow with every passing day and this cliff's height increasing, ever tall it'd be so easy now to let me fall but you don't like that imagery at all and i just hope you're happy i just hope you're smiling and laughing at somebody's stupid joke 'cause i'm stuck in my head again searching for some estrogen to change into the person that i know beside myself again, with all i wrote inside my mind i'll never be this ghost
2.
i miss you 01:16
i miss you like a waveform would miss the instrument that brought it into life i miss you like a tide turns washing up upon myself 'most every night i miss you like a lost limb i feel your prescence in the void from time to time i miss you like an old friend every memory with you i hold inside
3.
fine 02:06
wandering alone again and searching for some homeliness to make me feel alright it's like this every night but still i dream of you and me all our harmony and i might not be anything special to the rest of you but honestly as long as my dear darling can attest to truth i know i'll be just fine i know i'll keep my mind so please don't try to find me in the rain outside your window like some kind of foggy effigy to everything you've been through i'll be lying in your bed if ever you feel like danger's near i promised you a year ago that i could always save you, dear, so ooo
4.
worse 03:26
slipping deeper into myself slowly dwindling like my health i know that one day i will break i left home for a few days' time tried to hard to fix my mind but all i could do was lay awake and maybe it's the weather or maybe it's my selfish tendencies but something about me right now just doesn't feel like who i used to be so i'm sorry to my family i'm sorry to my friends i'm sorry to the people with whom i can't make amends i'm sorry for my past mistakes i'm sorry for this curse i'm sorry that i'm never getting better and always getting worse i feel so god damn trapped stuck here on a sinking raft dreaming of the day it deinflates death feels like an open door and less like a metaphor that i use poetry to reinstate and maybe it's the medicine or maybe it's the stupid fucking songs but something always makes me feel like i've been doing everything wrong and if this reads like a suicide note then i guess it's some good practice after all 'cause i said some six years ago that i would rather die than grow and fall so i'm sorry to my family i'm sorry to my friends i'm sorry to the people with whom i can't make amends i'm sorry for my past mistakes i'm sorry for this curse i'm sorry that i'm never getting better and always getting worse
5.
i was a drowning man sinking in an ocean invented in my head you were a tidal wave that carried me to shore at the point that i should've been dead and nothing prepared me for when i said goodbye and you left from the airport i'm sorry for everything you were the only one i promised to be there for and now that i'm gone it's no secret that i'm in pain stuck like a pantomime, fingers still intertwined deep in my brain i was a sinking ship caught in the pull of a vortex shaped like your mouth and you were a canopy a million feet below where my tightrope was giving out feeling like broken bones my head and my room both a mess from my lack of upkeep i'm sorry for everything 'cause you were the only one who really meant everything to me so tell me why i oughta go forget you there's no reason on earth that i'd listen to i'm here for one thing alone in this life that i live and it's this happiness that i'm giving you and now that i'm gone it's no secret that i'm in pain stuck like a pantomime, fingers still intertwined deep in my brain and now that you're gone it's no secret that i'm afraid stuck like a broken clock, hoping to focus on something besides what i miss in your name

about

this is an album about the fears and tremors that come with love, and the crisis of not knowing your own identity as yours.

enjoy.

credits

released April 20, 2017

license

all rights reserved

tags

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